A Queer Pop Retrospective: The Drag Race Diaries Vol. 3

Who's ready for Round 3? I know I am, because Season 3 remains one of my favorites even almost a decade and a half later. When it comes to the early, messy, bitchy drama that defined the first few seasons, this one does not disappoint with so many iconic fights and beefs, culminating in the ultimate Drag Race war of the cliques: The Heathers versus The Boogers. This season also was dominated by some of the series' first ever truly innovative fashion queens, still reigning supreme as some of the most iconic fashion girls the show has ever seen. Legendary queens were born here: Alexis Mateo, Yara Sofia, Mariah, Stacy Layne Matthews, Delta Work and my personal favorite, the brilliantly campy Manila Luzon (and the notorious fan-not-so-favorite Mimi Imfurst). Not to mention the fashion blueprint and incredible season winner Raja and the storied return of Shangela, back for another shot.

This time around the girls served up 13 helpings of killer lip syncs to a wide range of queer classics, which we'll dive into right.... now!

The Right Stuff - Vanessa Williams (1988)

Remember last time when I said "Cover Girl" was Shangela's second most violent lip sync. Well this is her most chaotic performance by far. As the safe girls described, what Shangela and Venus D-Lite engaged in on the main-stage was some vicious, Mortal Kombat styled dance-fighting, which is a performance so cringe-worthy and iconic that I can't help but love it. From Shangela weaponizing her tube-skirt which Venus would then try and choke her with to Venus throwing her braided wig into the back, hitting Stacy Layne Matthews on its way down, this is just a car crash of epic proportions. Now about the actual song, this is off of Vanessa Williams' debut album, which is pretty far from the classy balladeer she would become thanks to hits like "Save the Best for Last", because this track is so thoroughly endebted to "Control" era Janet Jackson that it could be called a straight rip-off. Nonetheless, the song is a slapper due to Vanessa's charming performance and the new jack swing beat paired with a solid piano solo in the track's back-end. New Jack Swing was a defining sound of the late 80s, blending R&B, pop and hints of hip-hop together to create a new mainstream sound, as popularized by Janet and her producers Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis. This is a prime New Jack artefact, with Vanessa delivering the lyrics like a pro. It's a story song about Williams getting hit on by richer guys, but turning them down cause she doesn't wanna miss out on her current partner's good lovin'. All of that subtext and fun is lost in this performance cause Shangela and Venus decide to physically duke it out instead, but Shangela does give us a hilarious bit at the end of the song, where she's chasing after the rich guy's limo, almost redeeming everything that came before. More or less, this song deserved better, but what it got was iconic in its own right. (Thankfully Season 15 would resurrect this banger for a proper lip sync).

Bad Romance - Lady Gaga (2009)

Lady Gaga really needs no introduction does she? To my generation, the late milennials and early Gen-Z-ers, Gaga is THE queer pop icon, the bringer of avant garde style and LGBT club pop back into the mainstream after Madonna's relevance was slowly dying out. In fact I remember doing my own lip sync performances to this track back in the third grade when it was my favorite song on the radio. The track is the perfect representation of disco revivalism but through a modern lens, with its clattering synths and effortless singalong hooks, culminating in Gaga speaking french (or possibly in tongues) over the strut-it-out breakdown. Gaga sings about wanting to get with a truly toxic partner regardless of their behavior, cause they just click when they create mad physical passion (I was singing this when I was 9? Yikes!). The idea of being drawn to toxicity and unhealthy relationships because that's all you think you are deserving of is a prominent queer theme, thinking that any love is better than none, no matter how warped it may be. The breakdown is Gaga perfected, with her "walk walk fashion baby" chant while she scream-sings "I'm a free bitch baby". This song is the musical distillation of drag. It's campy, it's over the top, it's giving fashion. The performance on the show from Phoenix and future RuPaul wig stylist Delta Work isn't the most memorable we've seen, but Delta does break it down in her Judy Jetson get-up, keeping her place in the competition fiercely. This is another one they'd reuse in the future, cause it's just so damn good. All hail Gaga, Queen of the Queers!

Don't Leave Me This Way - Thelma Houston (1976)

Now talk about a great song being overshadowed by a legendary (for all the wrong reasons) performance. This one is the poster child honey. No one remembers the performance other than the dramatic, world changing moment where the season's heel, Mimi Imfurst picked her opponent India Ferrah up off the stage and carried her like a sack of potatoes while India screamed her voice raw. The moment was so good we got it in slo-mo, completely halting the song. This moment defines Season 3 for many, and it's not hard to see why, it's messy, it's dramatic and it's funny as hell. As Manila aptly puts it, "you can't go around lifting up drag queens". And for this cardinal sin, Mimi was sent home. Now I'm supposed to talk about the song right? Well, this piece of sultry disco balladry is lovely, Thelma gives a great, sensual performance over the thumping 4/4 drum beat and exploding into the joyous chorus, all about needing her man to satisfy the need in her. It's a sexy song, and would make for a great performance some day, but as for now, Mimi and her suplex overshadowed the song entirely.

Meeting in the Ladies Room - Klymaxx (1984)

Now this is another song that feels explicitly like it was written for a drag performance, cause it's just so fucking campy. The whole thing is just a cat fight set to a drum machine and some delightfully funky bass, with the delicious spoken word intro (all about stooping down and becoming a BW (a basic woman as the song explains)) giving ample moments for a scenery chewing performance. This was the break out moment of the season for the legendary Stacy Layne Matthews, the season's sweetest queen and one who I would love to see return for a RuDemption. Stacy's performance is high camp, but also indulges in the song's inherent bitchiness and ferocity. She goes toe to toe with India Ferrah, who hits plenty of tracks, but Stacy's attitude is unstoppable. It's songs like these that make me want more spoken word lip syncs, because by far my favorite part of both the lip sync and the song isn't the musical part, it's that hilarious monologue at the beginning. This isn't much of a song, but it's performance art.

Looking for a New Love - Jody Watley (1987)

She doesn't know the words! That sure was the case for the season's smoking hot queen Mariah (a personal favorite of mine, especially after her All Stars run) who just fumbled her way through the song, giving some serious face but knowing next to no lyrics while Delta Work unapologetically stomped her. This track is some more heavy 80s synth-pop, with a drum loop that could steamroll a building (it's so damn loud, I think it might be a mixing issue) with Jody delivering a brassy performance about spiting her ex by looking for a newer, hotter guy to get over him with. This one similar to "The Right Stuff" feels a bit like a Janet cast-off with weaker production. Something I often wonder about the early seasons is if the music budget prevented them from getting the songs they really wanted (perhaps a Janet song) and they settled for slightly weaker tracks that sounded like the good shit. I'm not a fan of this one, but Delta Work slayed it, as she always does.

Knock on Wood - Amii Stewart (1979)

Now we're talking! I love a good high energy slice of disco thunder, and this is exactly that with its overwhelmingly thumping bass, fluttery synth lines and fabulously brassy vocal performance from Amii, who takes the original track, a Stax R&B cut written for Otis Redding, and turns it out into a club-ready jam. The song straddles the line beautifully between unapologetic disco and real, gritty soul music, creating the best of both worlds with its joyful arrangement. This song gave us one of the season's most underrated performances, with the beautiful and talented Puerto Rican paegant girl Alexis Mateo delivering a show-stopping lip sync, embodying the song's high energy and joy with some fierce choreography taking out Stacy with dramatic precision. This song would be resurrected for Season 15 as the Lip Sync for the Crown, but personally I think Alexis's performance is better than either of the Season 15 finalists cause she just radiates joy and fun, just like the song itself. This one's a winner baby.

MacArthur Park - Donna Summer (1978)

In a season full of great lip syncs, this one is truly in a league of its own. In the words of Alexis Mateo herself... "Broadway bitch". Manila Luzon's only trip to the bottom gifted us with this piece of high drama and camp artistry, where she channels the song's inherent overly dramatic bent and raises the stakes even higher, as she smears her mascara and crosses her eyes like a mad woman. The performance is season defining in my mind, and she does it in a fucking Big Bird dress for god's sake! The definition of iconic. The Donna Summer cover (of an even weirder original version by Richard Harris) takes the wacky, off-kilter ballad and turns it into a show-stopping blend of disco and pathos, following in the footsteps of her generational classic "Last Dance". This song is damn weird, I can't figure out what it means for the life of me, but I know that, due to the sweeping strings, jamming disco beat and Donna's incredibly emotive vocals, I love this song, and Manila helped me realize how great this piece of high camp artistry is. I love when a performance can truly awaken you to a song. Before Manila I thought this was one of Donna's weakest hits. Now I see it is a jewel in her disco crown. Only true divas like Donna Summer and Manila Luzon can turn crap into art, and they blow me away every time I see this performance.

Mickey (En Espanol) - Toni Basil (1982)

We all know "Mickey". It's one of those irrepressible, annoying ear-worm songs that once you hear it will be stuck in your brain for the next week, an all-time gimmicky one hit wonder from a fluke artist (better known and remembered as being a killer choreographer for massive talents like David Bowie). Now the odd thing here is that instead of the traditional English version, we get this lo-fi sounding Spanish cover version which sounds like iffy karaoke. I don't know why they picked this, other than to pit two of the season's Spanish speaking queens against each other. The battle between fashion-forward weirdo Yara Sofia and the breath-takingly pretty but otherwise uninteresting diva Carmen Carrera was fierce, with Yara going high energy and Carmen giving one of the show's horniest performances, going so far as to basically make out with guest judge Johnny Weir. The even odder choice was for Ru to make this the first Double Shantay (double save) in the show's history for a mixed bag of a performance. I was glad it meant we kept Yara, but I mean this is just a weird one overall. Not a song worth returning to.

Believe - Cher (1998)

Now this is definitionally a classic, of queer pop music, of drag queen lip sync staples, hell even of pop in general. This, Cher's major return to the top of the charts for her fourth decade in a row, is a truly excellent song. I used to dismiss it as a piece of early autotune club cheese, but damn if Drag Race didn't turn me on to how amazing this song is. I adore this song and I love Cher. I'm not sure it's my favorite Cher song (that's either "Dark Lady" or "Strong Enough"), but if she's remembered for one song, I hope it's this one. It is a sonic revolution. The first major hit song to pioneer the use of autotune (which helps give the song its still futuristic sheen) and a song that really exemplifies what's so great about Cher. Cher is a chameleon, but no matter what genre she shapeshifts into whether it be disco, rock or folk, she's always gonna sound like Cher. Her voice is a unique instrument that every queer person flocks to like a clarion call because it's unique. Cher is not a great singer, but she is absolutely a one of a kind singer, and that's what drag is all about. Cher takes what her weakness are and she turns them into strengths, just like a great queen does. The performance on the show from Shangela is incredibly good, giving us the show's first ever tride and true death drop, absolutely demolishing Carmen's low energy take on the song. How could any performance of this be low energy. This is the national anthem of gay people! Stand in recognition of the GOAT. Thank you Ru, for helping me embrace my inner Cher fanatic.

Even Angels - Fantasia (2010)

This song is also one that feels more like a "let's plug our famous guest judge's new album" move than anything else, but unlike Michelle Williams in Season One, this track is actually quite nice. It's a simple, somewhat formulaic American Idol styled power ballad about self-reliance and trying again after you fail, but beyond the aggressively 2010 synths, Fantasia's vocals are quite beautiful and the song resonates in this context because Shangela gets to perform it, as her last lip sync on the show (until All Stars). This song represents Shangela's journey on the show. She stumbled and made an early exit in Season 2 but she came back and did really, really well on a hard season, making it all the way to Top 5 with fierce competition. Shangela's early days on the show were all about getting up, dusting yourself off and doing better the next time. It's also emblematic of the queer experience. No matter how many times people know you down, we have to keep going and get stronger in the face of adversity. I also forgot to mention how beautiful Alexis Mateo's performance of the song is, embodying the song's emotion with her perfect lip sync, and delivering some of the most gorgeous dancing the show has seen, with a ballet inspired performance. Overall, not a song I return to, but a performance worth remembering.

Straight Up - Paula Abdul (1988)

Did I mention this season's love of Janet Jackson adjacent pop? Now this is the number one suspect, but for the first time, we get a song and an artist that if not quite to Janet standards, is close enough and very beloved in its own right. This is THE Paula Abdul song (the first of many to feature in Logo era RPDR) and it is the perfect blend of chamring campiness and sexiness. You could definitely perform this song in a myriad ways, but Raja and Carmen deliver what is easily the sexiest performance in RPDR history, with both stripping way, way down and getting pretty physical. In the words of Alexis Mateo, "soft porn, girl". The performance itself is iconic to a T and I'm not ashamed to admit how much I love it. They take a killer, goofy song and turn it into pure, unadulterated sex appeal and that's a task. One of the season's highest highs hits when Raja plants a red lipstick smooch on Carmen's shoulder, sealing her fate and sending her packing for the second time. If Raja hadn't won the season already, this is the moment she truly cemented her legendary status. I love this song (perhaps because of my brother's wacky kazoo performance of it in his high school musical) and it epitomizes Paula Abdul's brand of Janet Jackson but campier perfectly. Miss Abdul's ad-libs on this track made it for me, leaning into the goofiness of the song's lyrics, all about her man's fear of committment ("I don't waqnna get my love stuck in the slamming door" is an all-timer lyric). This is teen pop perfected and I'll never say no to watching Raja out-sex appeal the body herself, Miss Carmen Carrera.

I Think About You - Patti LaBelle (1977)

This is one of the few lip sync performances that I actually struggle to watch, because it is just absolutely heartbreaking. Watching one of my favorite queens, the eccentric and brilliant Yara Sofia break down and sob on the main stage instead of lip syncing and her sister Alexis Mateo stopping her own soulful performance to comfort her is hard to watch. It is just crushing to see someone's dreams fall apart right in front of you, and Yara can't help but feel defeated, trying so hard and getting so close but not quite making it there. The moment when Alexis holds Yara and says "Yara No Illores" (translated to ":Yara don't cry") always starts me sobbing hard, and then I can barely make it through the episode. This is one of the few times Ru actually cries herself on the show. It hit everyone hard. As for the song, it is a slice of delightful gospel-inflected soul from Miss Patti LaBelle, who turns in an incredible performance, but the song is a bit ruined for me because of the association. I'm having to tell myself "Ryan No Illores" right now as I'm listening and rewatching just to calm my own emotions.

Champion - RuPaul (2009)

Now comes the part of the program where Ru plugs her new "hit" song, and "Champion", the title track from her 2009 album which also spawned "Cover Girl", "Jealous of My Boogie", "Main Event" and many more is actually one of my least favorites because it's such a low energy track. It has some nice "Woah" moments, but overall it feels like the song you play after the winner is crowned as they walk the runway, and not the finale performance worthy of two powerhouse queens like Raja and Manila Luzon. Both queens turn it out, with Manila going the campier route and Raja going for earnestness and fierceness, but I can't help but wish they got more than this celebratory piece of mid-tempo mush. "Jealous of My Boogie" was a lot fiercer and a lot more fun. The song itself is a song all about self-love and admiration, declaring "I'm a winner baby" (before she coined the phrase officially in All Stars) but it lacks the ferocity of her best tracks. These finale lip syncs tend to be less of an actual battle and more of a ceremonial last performance before they pick a winner, but in the first two there was energy and a clear winner I could point to. Here it feels like both did their best with the material, but neither Manila nor Raja give a "winning" performance, cause you can't. Regardless of the song and in spite of my rabid Manila fandom, it made sense and I was so happy when Raja won because she was the first winner I truly connected with. I respected BeBe and I tolerated Tyra, but Raja felt like a real superstar. Her fashion sense changed the game forever and she was truly a force all season long.

This season was such a blast to revisit and take a musical journey through with y'all! See you soon for the sickening Season 4!

And remember, if you can't love yourself how in the hell are you gonna love any of these campy queer pop songs!

Can I get an amen?